LeT's GeT LossssT

It’s in their eyes….

I am sitting on the shore, watching the waves come one after the other in massive heights hitting the rocks and then shattering into millions of droplets, all scattered and dispersed apart, falling away distinctly away from each other, the drops that splashed and spread over the rocks were once an inseparable and united whole that made up the huge wave raging and rushing forward with all its mighty wrath and glory. And now the wrath has broken, the glory gone and the wave is no more.
At a distance I see a group of young people enjoying themselves, basking in the thrills of the sea. Bathing and splurging while the waves shower them with water and joy. They play with the water and throw water over each other. The shrieks of their laughter echo in the air and in my mind. This echo stirs up memories of some beautiful moments I spent with my friends.
My friends, who are now engrossed in their busy schedules, could not find time for me anymore, soon after they came to know about it. Or rather they don’t want to come near me, lest I touch them or breath the same air and contaminate it.
I still remember the fights over one bottle of coke and eyeing it to grasp a swig of the drink from the same bottle.
And now they would dread it. Reason…. I have been diagnosed HIV+. They have families to take care of, their reputation is at stake, their life is precious, and they can not take risk.
The young group has left now. And I am thrown back to my solitude which screams out my guilt to me. The emptiness inside me and around me etches my crime on every thought. Despite the sounds of the sea, silence triumphs. The wind that touches me, stings.
An enormous wave confronted the rock I am sitting on and broke apart to drench my body which was drenched already… with my misdemeanor.
My misdemeanor was that I donated blood at a blood donation camp in my college and I trusted the health worker and his needles. For that very trust, I am paying with my life.

Do I have AIDS? My doctor says no. I am just tested HIV+. But when the HIV virus will weaken my immune system to the point that my body will not be able to fight back infections, then I will be getting AIDS. But I am already considered to have it. It is there in everybody’s eyes.
My doctor tells me that with precautions I can still lead a healthier lifestyle to slow down the virus. But how can my life be healthy if the people around me detest me to the point that they don’t even want to come near me. They treat the entire person I am as a diseased part of a body which they want to cut and throw out of their lives. I don’t understand why. It’s often said, heard and written that an HIV+ person does not spread the disease through touch or air that they breathe in. Then why such injustice from people I love and who said that they loved me too. Why such injustice from people who are as well educated as I am. Why such injustice for a crime that I have not committed.
They don’t love me anymore. They have left me. I have been chucked out of my job without a reason. The sad looks on the faces of my parents gnaws at me. Life has not come to a standstill; it has become a severe punishment. I know that death is lurking in some corner not very far.
I just wish it comes nearer. I just wish it comes nearer.